18 October 2012
where do i start?
so much rolling around in this brain of mine. i have that measuring tape that i carry around with me.
the one that measures me up against it all. the one that gives the dimensions of who i am supposed to be...wife, mother, daughter, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, keeper of our home, nurturer.
it has that mark just as Mary Poppins's did that reads perfectly perfect in every way. that particular mark seems to evade me.
this past year i have taken out that measuring tape quite often.
and a mirror along with it. i look deep, deep in the reflection staring back at me.
who is this woman with grey showing on her temples and small wrinkles around her eyes? she has changed since her first discovery of tumors, her marriage fell apart, and then came back together. she thinks she has evolved for the better...certainly that was the goal.
but still, somehow, she just doesn't feel she measures up.
so i will move forward. one step in front of the other.
always striving to be that better wife, mother, and friend.
striving to teach the lessons that need to be taught.
striving to make our house a home in every way possible.
striving to be the best me i can be...and to leave that measuring tape in it's drawer.
06 October 2012
05 October 2012
03 October 2012
sitting here in my usual perch, since the surgery anyway, i am noticing. noticing the breeze rustle the trees from my window view. out of doors looks amazing these days.
noticing the slight hum of the air conditioner that is still needed a bit here in the deep south.
noticing all the little comforts that Kevin has made sure i have as he has had to return to work. being as my world has been contained to home, namely our room, he continually makes it more comfortable, even more of a home. i notice that he works all night long, checking on me through out the night, to come home and take on my normal duties. i watch as he cooks, cleans, plans, organizes, and tends. i am in awe of him. this man who tries to do it all...and more often than not succeeds. a simple bowl of beef tips and a ginger ale, a fresh folded stack of laundry, a gentle hand to ease me up from bed, a garden watered or eggs gathered. service. compassion. simple acts with greater meaning.
i love you too Kevin.
02 October 2012
Right now, I am....
::obediently on my bed with cross stitch in hand. it has been far too long since i worked with needle & floss.
:: riding the wave of goodness that comes after surgery. i have been feeling love & comfort from so many sweet souls.
:: hearing Sawyer walk his goat, Tank in the back yard. it is music to my ears.
:: smelling spaghetti and meatballs lovingly prepared by the hands of my first born. i am truly blessed to have Jordan here with me while recover.
:: wanting to go.anywhere. and do something!!
:: adoring our choice to homeschool. our lives have been changed for the good...forever.
:: growing anxious for a package to arrive. i am finally going to teach myself to knit! hurry my little how to book!
:: reading a great deal...everything Charlotte Mason, Project-Based Homeschooling, Northanger Abbey, and Team of Rivals
:: loving my Master Gardener course. i am learning and sharing and making friendships.
:: feeling grateful that i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
:: listening to Norah Jones these days.
:: making lists for me, lists for Christmas, lists for easy dinners for Kevin & the boys to prepare, lists of things i want to master. i adore a good list.
:: counting the moments until Downton Abbey returns...and until i can be fully mobile.
::loving deeper and deeper my sweet mister and that is home with us to stay. my world was a dark, sad place without his smile.
:: sending love, warmth, and good wishes to each of you my peeps!